Post-Wednesday Reflection

Wednesdays are the bane of my existence.

JD will tell you that I make this so. By declaration only, I create the evil that is Wednesday. We create the dragons we will one day be forced to slay.

This last Wednesday wasn’t so bad.

I have been thinking a good deal about Dallas lately. At one time, I was happy to leave it behind. There is an entire world out there beyond it. There are sights bigger than it. There are unexplored paradises that make it look like a scum pond.

Things have changed.

Dallas is home. Dallas is special to me. I’ve seen its dirty nooks, and I have stood atop its highest pinnacles. I have found friends here – I have made enemies. I have created the man I was meant to become here, and I have discovered further paths to my future self.

I will always come back here.

I will stand among the canyons of Downtown and embrace the smallness of my existence, and I will look out over the landscape of my home, the gentle roll of hills under the big sky and remember the vastness of all existence.

I tread the same paths my father has tread, and his father before him. Where my grandfather may have once sipped coffee, my father may have drank scotch, and now I swallow dark beers with the woman I wish to be my wife.

Others may have traveled the world and seen many wonders beyond this place. I may do the same one day, but the wonder of this place, on this rock, circling this star, on this arm of the galaxy among infinite galaxies, will not be diminished by my departure from it.

This will always be home.

Though Dallas is not my hometown, my actual hometown no longer carries a distinction in my mind. Thirty or so miles is not far enough to be outside of Dallas anymore. Others might disagree with me, but when asked, I now say “I am from Dallas.”

This is a true statement.

I have struggled recently with the realization that I may soon have my works published in one form or another. I do not want to believe it to be true, because in truth I will find the affirmation of my talent a command to do better.

I will still fear success, even when success greets me.

Today, I do not consider the larger responsibilities of being a writer of words, but instead ask myself, “What shall I be named?”

I have a name, yes, but is it right for the cover of a book, the byline of a story?

I have toyed recently with a pen name that I think I like. JD likes it very much, and it does roll off the tongue nicely:

R.K. Horn

Pushing Daisy by R.K. Horn

Three Deaths to Oblivion by R.K. Horn

Special Guest Speaker: R.K. Horn

Yes, I think I like it very much.

JD and I want to take a little road trip soon. We have a few places in mind.

Several weeks ago we drove down to Fredericksburg and stayed overnight. I really like that area of Texas, and the German food will always be a big draw for me.

I think we’d like to do something different this time.

I enjoy the Wichita Mountains near Lawton, Oklahoma. I have hiked extensively there and always enjoy it, but there is little else beyond the scenery to satisfy the urge to get away from the city we live and work in. That is a three to four hour drive.

Hot Springs is always on our list. We are guaranteed intelligent conversation there, and hiking, and yes, German food there as well. Four to five hours as the Scion xA flys.

My father insists that Galveston should be at the top of my list, but I wouldn’t know. I have never been there. Four to five hours to the coast.

San Antonio is another option. The Riverwalk makes a nice romantic weekend destination, and JD and I are all about food. I am fairly sure there is food there.

Tack on a few hours and turn our dials west and we could do Palo Duro or Caprock Canyons.

I think that covers North, South, East, and West, for the most part. Spring calls for a getaway.

And finally, Gatsby.

A couple of weeks ago, Gatsby had his first vet appointment with his new doctor. He liked her. The results are in and its official:

Gatsby is too cute.

Photo(5)

Oh. And he’s a little overweight, but otherwise perfectly healthy. Huzzah!

2 thoughts on “Post-Wednesday Reflection

  1. I’m not sure if this was intentionally left unclear – but have you traveled outside of Dallas at all? Other than the road trips you’ve mentioned. Just curious.

    Also – one comment about success that you briefly touched upon. I feel that when you succeed at whatever it is you wished (in your case, publishing your work), immediately after that gratification settles, you are faced with the prospect of doing something better the next time. And it’s A LOT of pressure. As a good example: look at Gangnam Style. The demand for an equal, amazing follow up is high. Will the follow up song match the success? No, of course not, and it’s foolish to believe it ever would. I feel that rarely does the sophomore work outshine the freshman work, though, surprisingly, it’s supposed to (says me, whose fav SW movie is ESB).

    Maybe I’m just cynical. My good ideas are so rare that when I cave to the pressure and try to create something just as good as what I did first time around, it fails. I’m more of a standalone, one timer kind of person and I hate the pressure to make something again and again and have it constantly be good.

    Tangents, sorry…my thoughts are not as organized as I would like today.

    • Oh yeah, I’ve been around. Spent a lot of time in Colorado. Lived on the East Coast for a bit, and four years or so in Central Texas. Seen fourteen states total, plus Mexico, and that’s not counting layovers. I travel to TN a lot for work as well.

      See, I have this idea that if I tie all my writing into one epic story that spans a multiverse, then I can avoid the sophomore jinx because my first piece will never be complete. 😀

      Oh wait … D:

      That’s even more pressure.

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