Over the years, it has come to our attention that while productivity appears, on the surface, to have exceeded our expectations in the long game, waste now exceeds all things. I put it to you that we should build bigger trash cans.
Starting this week, in all of our facilities, one-thousandth of the space now in use will be allocated to what will be considered “Human Activity” zones. The remaining space will be allocated to waste. Please note that in circumstances where employee size exceeds the allocated “Human Activity” zones, redundancies and creative amputation will be likely. Please see your branch’s Human Resources department for information on payment plans required to pay for the amputations, the majority of which our insurance plan no longer covers.
Attention: Due to the continuing dissatisfaction of employees with the effectiveness and ease of contacting the Human Resource departments of all branches, all Human Resource representatives have been sacked. Please direct inquiries formerly directed to Human Resource representatives to the large computer complex housed at the excessively distracting white building located at: 37 Barrow Teak Wallow, Melksham Without, Wiltshire, SN52 7EQ. Appointments are necessary.
Preliminary results are in. In fifty-three of the ninety-seven participating groups, it was found that ultra-realistic virtual reality suites cause fatal death and possible probabilities in 63.456% of all instances where the gamer is forced to think. 17,000 participants were forcibly ejected from the virtual space when over 53.7 million versions of a manipulated painting of Ginastera were superimposed over the naked bodies of Norman Tebbit in several compromising positions in what appears to be the House Of Lords Library. Residents are asked to bring in their dogs between the hours of 1500 and 0425.
After which, there will be murders.
This just in, the things you buy are not real. Extreme couponing is the refuge of the wildebeest. And you may not realize how you you are until you are you knowing the you you were before you were the you you are.